Saturday, February 14, 2009

The Ramblings of an OLD MOTHER

I first want to say, My daughters have done me proud with all their writings in their blogs… and they had graciously invited me to join them, months ago on this journey.

And, I said, “Yes … sure”

And, I did set up my account and started by writing a couple. But, I realized I have not been writing for months and decided to just choose something to write about it…

So, this evenings’ subject is Motherhood and what it all consists of, some would say it is simply being a mother, giving birth to a child. I disagree…

Most females can give birth to a child, even some that should never be a mother, become one.

And, yet, NOT all females truly enter into the realm of Motherhood.

My opinion of Motherhood is it is the continuous effort of providing support, knowledge and nurturing of a youth from their childhood through their adult years, and many cases dragging them screaming and hollering the whole trip.

As we, my husband and I decided to have children. We were always a firm believer that we wanted to have an open relationship with our children. We wanted to break the mode from the past as we were brought up… where certain things were taboo to discuss.

So, with our children, from a very young age, we let them know that they could openly discuss anything with either of us. Now, granted there have been a few times I might have regretted that most important teaching, especially trying to hold a straight face with them over certain topics. But, I think I have done a super job… AND, from that type of up bringing I give them CUDOS they are very rounded and versed adults, with a sense of who they are and what they want.

But, looking back, one of the more interesting facts of nurturing these children of mine (ours) … I remember always telling them… that just because we their parents, or any adult, for that matter. Tells them to do something, doesn’t mean they have to do it unconditionally, they can disagree …. BUT, if they choose not to do something it better be with more than just a NO they had to give a good reason… and I think these teachings help them tremendously to build the character they have today, especially my girls with the intelligence level they developed… they always would come up with some pretty Damn good reasons Not to follow our instructions without just coming out and saying NO to us. It helped in developing their imaginary side and made them search for the ‘whys’ about something.

Today, I think they still search for other ways, and the whys about life lessons brought to them.

As I sit here and think about those years ago, I remember so many discussions in our household over the years.

One comes to my mind, with my son … it was when he came home from grade school and asked where babies came from and I proceeded to explain in detail, all the intimate little things about the facts of life. And, I think, now, looking back maybe I scared the Shit out of him. I do remember his comment after I said, something in regards that when a male has sex with a girl. AND, if that male happens to be YOU, to be sure she is using some birth control to where no unplanned babies are created … and (even at his very young age,) he came back speaking like an adult … as he proceeded to tell me, wouldn’t it be more his responsibilities since it would be his sperm that fertilized her egg…

AND, I said, remember that later in years. I think he did… very responsible young man.

He always was, well there was one time and yet even then he was responsible. It was when I worked and was living away from home, traveling for my job. My husband decided to come there, instead of me coming home that visit … and our son asked if he could have a few friends over.

We thought about it and said, “Yes, Sure… why not.” I mean he was always reasonable and he was working going to college, all that. How was we to know that, all of our children decided to add to the invitees.

Plus, a friend of our son’s knew a Cop, got a road block put up on the intersections of the streets, went to all the neighbors explained they were going to have a small party… (and I think we were told years later they invited them over too.) It ended up being a full blown open house with a keg and vodka shots that would bring down a bull, plus who knows for sure how many people came… one of them, many years later said, it had to have been 75 to 100 people in our small little house.

But, NOTE from this party: Our hot tub was never the same… we ended having to get rid of it after many times of trying unsuccessfully getting all the suds out of it… after who knows how many teenagers went in with clothes, and I have no doubt without, in it… plus, all the beer ….

Then with the girls, it was later on life when they were dating and becoming serious with a boy friend, plus I truly believe what trigger the need was as a few of their friends became pregnant in their teenager years. I got a phone call from one wanting to inform me she had visited the Planned Parenthood Office and was starting to take birth control that day, just in case, things got out of control when they were making out. After the initial shock, I told her that that was GOOD thinking ahead … but, that DID NOT Give her permission to sleep around and have sex with any Tom, Dick or Harry. Of course, she came back and said, of course not just with …..

And, then the last thing was realizing in today, or back then in yesteryear just how much easier it was for the youth to be tempted into trying things that even as a Mother I thought I had made it very clear NOT TO DO…. But, I wasn’t told NO… she just went on and did it….

Strong willed people I raised, and I am glad of it. They make me proud.

So, I say Yes, granted it is much easier to nurture and shape a young mind for those first few years… maybe from birth to possibly four or five. Before they realize they have a mind of their own. And, some of those youths develop this personality trait at a very young age… and some become very stubborn and in many ways teaching us Mother’s, many things as my son and daughters have taught me over the many years before they were out on their own, or all they realy gone... Hum .... Times I wonder. But, I love each day we have with them.

AND I THANK THEM FOR DOING SO in their youth, had they not shown me some things I would never have known about the following:

1) The awful sound of Rap, I might not have known that I hate it.
2) That when we give our permission to have a slumber party, be sure to limit the amount of girls that they can invite… or you might have 20 loud obnoxious girls that try to sneak out.
3) When you say, sure, that they go over to someone’s house to be sure to Tell them a TIME to return… not just for a WHILE… you never know when they might return.
4) OR on that same note, when they ask if a friend can stay over… to be sure to TELL FOR HOW LONG… unless you want to be raising another person… that happened many times over and over.
5) Many of their friends .. still today call us Mom and Dad ( I wonder if that is because they lived more at house then their own)… another story.
6) They taught me so much more about… how to say “Yes” So, I did, when they wanted double ears pierced. When I had not even pierced my own. Or how to say “Yes” to a belly button piercing …the whole time she would back out… but, she fooled me. Or how to say “Yes” to that M&M tat on her lower pelvic area… again, thinking the whole time she would back out… I wasn’t quite as shocked by this time when she didn’t. Or yes, to buying dress after dress for some dance they went too… and only wore the dress that time (including their wedding dresses… we should have rented them...)

But, … it is a more challenging endeavor to keep this nurturing up for the long haul into their adult years.

AND, then if you happen to be one of the chosen lucky ones… you get the chance to correct the errors of your ways with your grandchildren. I wonder if I will… probably not… they are just too cute.

So, I say to all you Mother’s out there… step up and tell me your thoughts on what is Motherhood to you…

Thank you for reading the Ramblings of an OLD MOTHER ....

Oh, By the way… help me out. Let me know what you think my next topic should be… any help will be appreciated.


Needsleepy said...

LOL Too funny! right! I loved this post!
I am alrady planning certain "discussions" that I will be having with my children when they grow up. lol I know my husband already has one he is prepareing for the boys that our daughter dates LOL

And Yes you were a great mother! I just wish you were happier through the a person. So much stress....but hey that's life right? Kisses!!

Topic Suggestion: Craziest things your children ever did...or that you ever did as a child! :-)

PS The music is a nice addition to your page :-)

Needsleepy said...

More Topics:
Things you want to that your children are all growed up!

What were you best "weapons" to off set the stress of being a mommy of three.

Super Mom said...

Hehehehehe! Read this the other day, but didn't have a chance to comment until now! Loved it! Sounds like your kids were hell on wheels... except your youngest daughter... not much in there about her...she must have been your saving grace from insanity. How lucky you were to get that last one perfect, huh?

And, damn, I had a hard enough time coming up with my OWN blog topics!!!!

If you want, you can visit my page and volunteer for a "LETTER" for the alphabet game! I'll give you a good one, I promise...

Needsleepy said...

Hey I gave you an award on my blog...go get it!

BTW Supermom I think you should give the letter Q...I know one word she could use...ROFL

WalkingInADream said...

You two crack me up.... And yougest you were discussed too. Read between the lines.

Huh... Q... would that be


kendrasue said...

I'm glad you are posting again! I like the post! Things you can post about just things in life that you did or wish you would have done. With all the traveling you did I'm sure you have some good stories!